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CHAPTER 4: Resident Advisor
 By Jim Caple |
Previously at 24 College Avenue: After nearly ruining himself with booze and
gambling during the previous school year, Danny Edmonds has cleaned up his life,
moved out of the house and into the State College dorms as an R.A. The school,
meanwhile, is still recovering from a riot that caused millions of dollars in fire
damage. . . .
Jerry Kelso, the State College V-P for student housing, waved Danny into his office
“Come in and sit down, Danny. Make yourself comfortable.’’
Danny took a seat in front of the V-P’s desk. Kelso was smiling broadly and looked
friendly enough but Danny couldn’t help feeling a little like he did just before
the Russian mafia guys threatened to break his kneecaps the previous winter
because of his gambling debts.
“UHHHHH,’’ Danny said, then quickly lowered his voice. He hadn’t realized how loud
his voice could be until overhearing some of the residents on his floor joking
about it. He was trying to improve that. “What’s this about, Mr. Kelso?’’
“Oh, I just wanted to have a little chat about you’re doing as an R.A. How has
your first month gone, Danny? The kids haven’t been too rough on you, have they?’’
“Nah, we get along great.’’
Kelso nodded and opened a manila folder. He pulled out several sheets of paper.
“Yes, you’ve received wonderful comments from your residents. ‘Danny rocks!’
‘Danny’s the best!’ And ‘I wish all the R.A.s were cool like Danny!’’’
Danny grinned. Actual compliments? When was the last time he had received one of
those? Maybe this meeting wasn’t going to be so bad after all. “That’s good to
hear, Mr. Kelso. I think I’ve developed a rapport with them.’’
Kelso stared at him hard. “That you have, Danny, that you have. But let me finish
with the comments.” He read on. “ ‘Danny’s not an asshole like the other R.A.s.’
‘Danny doesn’t even pretend he’ll write us up when we drink.’ ‘Danny lets us do
anything we want!!!’ ‘Danny says he can get us beer!’ ”
“WHAT WEASEL WROTE THAT I SAID I COULD GET THEM BEER! I’LL BREAK THAT #%@$ NECK!!’’
“That’s hardly the reaction I was looking for,’’ Kelso said.
“HONEST, MR. KELSO – I DON’T KNOW WHERE THOSE GUYS GOT THOSE IDEAS ABOUT ME. I
MEAN, I’M A HARDASS WITH THEM, I REALLY AM. JUST THE OTHER DAY, I TOLD A KID THAT
IF HE WAS GONNA SMOKE POT IN HIS ROOM, HE SHOULD ROLL UP A TOWEL AND STUFF IT
UNDER THE DOOR.’’
Kelso sighed. He dealt with dozens of R.A.s a year. Some, like Taylor Stewart,
were humorless, literal-minded gnomes who had enjoyed being hall monitors a little
too much in junior high. Some were looking to pad their resumes for post-graduate
employment (though it was Kelso’s experience that very few employers were
impressed by a job that was little more than baby-sitting 19-year-olds). Some
simply were average students looking for a way to pay for their housing. And then
there was Danny, who seemed to have no agenda that Kelso could determine.
“Danny,’’ Kelso said, leaning back in his chair, “we’re not naïve. We realize
young men and women, away from home for the first time, suddenly outside parental
supervision, are going to experiment. With alcohol, with drugs and with sex. We
know we can’t stop it and frankly, we wouldn’t try if we could. What DOES concern
us, however, is the liability issue. Simply put, to protect ourselves from
lawsuits in case anyone ever got hurt or arrested, we must have plausible
deniability that such things go on with our knowledge. This is particularly
challenging with the wide popularity and use of camera phones and MyWeb.com.’’
Danny nodded. “I understand. They went over that in R.A. training.’’
“I sincerely hope you understand, Danny, I really do. But I wonder. You see, we
searched through the pages your residents have posted on MyWeb.com and frankly,
they make me wonder whether you understand at all. For instance . . .” Kelso
pulled a sheet of paper from a manila folder. “I printed off this photo from one
of the MyWeb pages. I was wondering whether you could explain it.’’
Kelso flipped Danny the photo. It showed several of his residents drinking beer in
a room. From the empty bottles all around the room and the expressions on the
faces, it was clear that quite a bit of beer had been drunk. In fact, one of the
students had drunk so much that he was bent over and vomiting into a drawer. Most
disturbing of all, the clock on the wall showed it was 11 a.m.
“WOAHHH! DRINKING BEHIND MY BACK. I know those guys -- I’ll talk to them about
that. Especially the one dude puking in the drawer. Man, to be that messed up in
the morning? He may need some counseling.’’
“Danny,’’ Kelso said, handing him a blowup of the photo, “that ‘Dude’ is you.’’
“#%@$!’’ Danny said. “I don’t even remember that.’’
Kelso arched his eyebrow. “I’m not surprised by the memory loss.’’
“I guess it was when that flu bug was going around the floor. Man, I was puking
all the time that week’’
“Yes, I guess it must have been.’’ Kelso retrieved the photo and handed Danny
another. “But what about this photo?’’
Danny looked at the photo. It was another party, this one far larger and wilder
than the previous one.
“That looks bad,’’ Danny admitted, “but it’s not in the dorm. No dorm rooms are
that big.’’
“No residential rooms, perhaps, but if you’ll notice, this is your floor’s study
lounge. Reserved exclusively, oddly enough, for studying. But either this is a
party or there is some new class project that requires a palm tree, a floor
covered with sand and backyard wading pool filled with Jell-o.’’
Danny shrugged, as innocent as a newborn. “I don’t know when that could have
happened, sir. Maybe the night of the mandatory R.A. dinner at the housing
office?’’
“Danny, as I recall, you weren’t at that dinner.’’
“#%@$.’’
Kelso handed him another photo. “Now, this second photo shows two girls rolling
around in the jell-o and wrestling in their underwear.’’
“#%@$! Now I almost wish that I WAS there to see that.’’
“You WERE there, Danny.’’
Kelso handed him another photo.
“This photo is a little blurry but look close and you’ll spot yourself by the
jell-o pool. Next to the keg pyramid. Behind the vodka ice slide. Wearing the
black and white referee jersey. With the water pipe in your left hand. And the bra
in your right.’’
“#%@$.’’
“Exactly the word I said when I saw the photo.’’
Startled, Danny turned around and noticed a woman sitting on the couch behind him.
He hadn’t noticed her before, but it was State College dean of students Maureen
Camas. She took a drag from her cigarette, uncrossed her legs and stood up. Camas
was an imposing woman. She was six feet tall and always wore heels to add a couple
more inches for intimidation purposes. She had long ago learned to put her height
to use. As a student, she had personally started the State College woman’s
athletic department. Overcoming prejudice against women athletes and the constant
battles for funding had made her a very hard, very tough woman. Having gone though
all that crap for several decades, she did not suffer fools gladly in her current
position. And as far as she was concerned, Danny most definitely fit into that
category.
She strode over to Kelso’s desk and sat on the corner. She glared at Danny and
leaned in toward his face.
“Edmonds, if it were up to me, you not only would be out as an R.A., you would be
in jail facing felony charges for supplying alcohol and drugs to minors.’’
She let that sink in a bit. When she Danny gulp and sweat appear on his forehead,
she continued.
“Unfortunately, we face a critical shortage of R.A. candidates and there is no one
to replace you. More importantly, we’re determined to find the student who threw
the tear gas container that caused the fire at the riot. The latest estimate is
that fire caused $7 million in damages and we intend to make an example of the
student responsible.’’
“#%@$, you don’t think it was me, do you?’’
Camas glanced quickly at Kelso, who rolled his eyes. She placed her hand on
Danny’s shoulder and gripped hard. He felt his arm go numb.
“Edmonds, I don’t think you have the balls to pick up a tear gas container, let
alone the arm strength to throw one that far. So, no. We don’t suspect you. We DO
suspect the student is a freshman and we also suspect he lives in YOUR dorm. And
because you have developed such a keen ‘rapport’ with your residents, we want you
to keep your eyes and ears open – and your fly closed – and find out who it is.’’
“You want me to spy on them?’’
“Don’t be a moron, Edmonds. You’re an R.A. Of course we want you to spy on them.
Spying on the students is your No. 1 duty. And because these students seem to
trust you so much – God knows why – they just might tell you something they
wouldn’t tell anyone else.’’
Danny looked at both Camas and Kelso to see if they were serious. They were. “I
don’t know,’’ he said. “I’d feel like a rat.’’
Camas leaned over to Kelso’s desk and picked up the manila folder. “Fine. Then
I’ll just send these photos to the campus police. They’ll take the situation from
here.’’
“#%@$,’’ Danny said. He knew he was trapped. “ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I’LL DO IT.’’
Camas smiled and pulled out another cigarette. “You’re not bright but I thought
you would see it our way once I explained it in a way even you could understand.’’
“You can go back to your dorm now, Danny,’’ Kelso said. “Just go about your
business as normal. Well, no more carousing with the students. That’s over with.
And no more drinking, period. But keep talking to them, keep listening. And when
you find out something, let us know.’’
Yeah right, Danny thought. I’ll do that.
“And,’’ Camas said, waving the folder, “for your sake, you better find out
something. Because I’d hate to have the police see these photos.’’
Danny got up and walked to the door, thinking of a new regret with every step.
Maybe he should have stayed completely sober as he had intended at the end of
summer. Or maybe he should have just avoided drinking with the residents. Or many
he should have stopped at one beer. Or four. Or maybe he should have stayed at 24
College Avenue.
And maybe he should cancel the all-night Texas Hold’em Strip Poker party he had
scheduled for that evening in the study lounge.
Next: Condemned
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