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Chapter 27: Director’s Cut, Part One
 By Jim Caple |
Previously at 24 College Avenue: The city has given the residents a final eviction notice so that it may begin tearing down the house to make way for a planned development called “College World.’’ The residents, unfortunately, have more pressing matters to deal with first. After receiving access to an almost unlimited supply of security camera, camera phone, email and Internet records, film student Paul Fairhaven – the guy who speaks only in movie quotes – produced a documentary on his housemates titled “Big Brother’’ for State College professor Ken Moore’s course on dwindling privacy and increasing surveillance in American society. Unbeknownst to Fairhaven, Moore turned over the documentary to the authorities who used it to justify arresting photographer Steve Hamilton, cheerleader Mandy Stevenson, band member Bonzi B angor and mascot Jenn Robbins for possible terrorist activity. Josh Williams became outraged when he learned of Fairhaven’s betrayal but calmed down when his housemate handed him a DVD titled, “Big Brother: The Director’s Cut’’. . . .
Josh and Fairhaven were just finishing up a sleepless night’s worth of edits on “The Director’s Cut’’ when the house shook with an enormous CRACK!!!!! Josh looked out the window to see the front end of a bulldozer ramming into the living room. The blade had crashed through the living room window and ripped the couch into pieces.
“Hey!!!’’ Josh shouted at the bulldozer’s driver. “There are people in this house!!!’’
The driver put the bulldozer into neutral and looked up in confusion. “What the $@#&!’’ he said. “Everyone was supposed to be out of these buildings by now. Didn’t you get the notice?’’
“Yeah,’’ Josh said. “But we’re not leaving!’’
The driver turned off the bulldozer and turned to his foreman. “Joe, there’s a kid in the house. Says he’s not leaving.’’
Great, the foreman thought, that’s just great. He hadn’t given himself enough time when he made the bid on the project and faced a $1,000 fine for every day he missed the completion date. And now some guy didn’t want to leave the first house on their schedule? Well, that was just too damn bad.
“Hey, kid! I don’t give a damn if you haven’t finished your term paper or you don’t have anywhere else to live or you got some broad up there all wet and ready – we’re tearing this house down so I suggest you get your ass out right now!’’
Josh looked at Fairhaven. “The DVD is ready, right?’’ His housemate nodded. “OK. Then I’ll buy us some time while you get that to the right people.’’
He raced into Edison Murrow’s bedroom and pulled out a pair of handcuffs. The middle-aged computer programmer had showed them off to Josh many times, bragging that he would put them to use one night with the properly adventurous co-ed. Of course, he never had, but at least they would finally come in handy.
Josh returned to his room and crawled out the window and onto the porch roof. “Hey!’’ he shouted at the destruction crew. When they looked up he waved the handcuffs to them and then placed one cuff on his wrist, reached back through the window and placed the other around the radiator pipe. “If you’re going to knock down the house, you’re going to have to take me with it!’’
“Suit yourself!’’ the foreman shouted and gestured to the bulldozer driver to ram the house.
“Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue,’’ Fairhaven said. (1)
Fortunately for Josh, the driver refused to turn on the bulldozer. “Be reasonable Joe, we can’t do this. They would haul our asses into prison like that if we hurt a kid tearing down the house.’’
The foreman gritted his teeth in frustration and swore at Josh under his breath. He knew the driver was right.
“All right smartass,’’ he said to Josh. “You won yourself a little time. But I’m going to the cops and you’d better be gone by the time we get back here.’’
Josh gave the foreman the finger with his available hand. “OK, Fairhaven – get going. You know how important that DVD is, don’t you?’’
Fairhaven nodded. “Nothing’s riding on this except the first amendment to the Constitution, freedom of the press, and maybe the future of the country. Not that any of that matters, but if you guys $@#& up again, I'm going to get mad. Goodnight.’’ (2)
With that, Fairhaven left the house. And Josh began praying that the crazy plan was going to somehow work out. If it didn’t, Josh knew, he would be joining his friends in jail.
# # #
Steve nearly wet his pants every time he heard the cell door clang shut. His first stint in jail for refusing to turn over his memory card to police investigators was bad enough (see Chapter 7). He had only recently stopped having nightmares when the Department of Homefront Protection had raided the house and arrested him, Mandy, Bonzi and Jenn. They hadn’t been charged with anything yet, merely left in a couple cells to worry while the authorities decided with what specific crimes of terrorism to charge them. Each time Steve asked what they had done wrong or what was going to happen to them, the black-uniformed officers merely smiled and made a cutting motion across their throats.
He looked up from his cot at the new body joining him and Bonzi in the cell.
“Greetings, my brother,’’ the new man said to Steve. “I always heard you Yanks had excellent cells and I’m happy to say I wasn’t misinformed.’’
It was Marcus, the South African smuggler who had helped the residents during that mess at the World Cup last summer. (See “24 College Avenue: Summer Abroad’’.)
“Marcus!’’ Steve yelled with a mixture of surprise, delight and dread. “What the hell are you doing here?’’
“Not sure myself, brother,’’ Marcus said, his eyes scanning the cell. “I was running bootleg DVDs into Kazakhstan when an overly dedicated border guard refused my bribe and searched my truck. Just my luck that I had 40 cases of ‘Borat’ in the back. I’ll let you in on a little secret, brother. The Kazakhs don’t take kindly to that movie. Anyway, they gave me a friendly welcome to their country with a rubber hose and the next thing I know, I’m being renditioned to your country.’’
“Geez,’’ Bonzi said from the upper cot. “They must be really serious about video piracy in Kazakhstan.’’
“Don’t fool yourself, brother. There’s something else going on here. Because it wasn’t just me they picked up. They nabbed your basketball friend at the airport, too.’’ (Chapter 25)
“Jill Thomas?’’ Steve asked. “Jill’s back from Mubai?’’
Marcus nodded. “That she is, brother, though I don’t think she’s any too happy about it at the moment.’’ He put his arm around Steve. “But since we’re on the subject and seeing how lived in the same house with her so long - - Does she likes men or women? Sure, she’s easy on the eyes but she plays basketball, know what I mean?’’
“Are you kidding? She and Dwayne Patterson used to keep awake the way they went at it.’’
“That’s good to hear, brother. Good to hear. Though my heart still belongs to the lovely Nicollette. How is she doing? Posed in her underwear lately?’’
“Didn’t you hear?’’ Steve said. “She was arrested with the rest of us.’’
Marcus flinched in shock. “You don’t say. Have they got the whole lot of you?’’
“Yeah,’’ Steve said. “Everyone but Josh and Fairhaven.’’
“Josh is on the outside, eh? Well, then there’s still hope, I suppose. Not much, I admit, but it’s something. He’s not the brightest lad I’ve ever encountered but he is brave and resourceful.’’
# # #
Josh shivered in the cool spring breeze. He was beginning to regret handcuffing himself to the radiator. And he was really regretting doing so without putting on a sweatshirt first.
He looked down the scene in front of him. A bulldozer was busy knocking down the house to the left. Another was knocking down the house to the right. And poised in his front yard was a third bulldozer, with the driver revving the engine and the foreman standing on the sidewalk with several campus police.
“All right, smart guy! Game’s over!’’ the foreman shouted. “Now, are you going to unlock yourself and come down calmly or do the police have to go up there and drag your ass out?’’
“They’ll have to come up here,’’ Josh said, his voice cracking. “I don’t know where the key is.’’
The foreman shook his head in disgust and motioned to the police. They shrugged and entered the house.
Within moments two officers were in Josh’s bedroom and cutting off the handcuffs with a hacksaw. They dragged him out of the house roughly and were placing him in the back of the squad car when the foreman signaled for the bulldozer to finish knocking down the house.
Next: Director’s Cut, Part Deux
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