|
Chapter 14: Food Poisoning
 By Jim Caple |
Previously at 24 College Avenue: After a riot and fire at the beginning of the school year, the university and city recently announced plans to tear down all the houses on the block and turn the neighborhood into College World. Meanwhile, junior Josh Williams and the rest of the residents go about their business. After losing her baby in a miscarriage, Jenn Robbins has returned to school and is sharing her role as Bubby, the Red Devil, with the humorless Clay Ellum. A MyWeb video of Mandy Stevenson shows the cheerleader leaving a locker room after apparently having sex before a game. Going through a midlife, computer programmer Edison Murrow has left his wife and moved into the house. So have Sirius Winfield, the very shy identical brother of freshman basketball star Orion Winfield and Paul Fairhaven, a film student who speaks only in movie quotes. . . .
Josh held his breath, opened the refrigerator and reached inside. As soon as his hand found the package of hamburger, he yanked it out and slammed the door shut tight. He stepped over to the stove and pulled the frying pan from the sink. He examined the pan quickly, pondered whether it needed to be washed and decided to squeeze some detergent on it just to be safe.
“What an incredible smell you’ve discovered!’’ Paul Fairhaven shouted from the adjoining dining room. (1)
“Sorry, Paul,’’ Josh said. “Had to open the fridge to get my hamburger. Somebody really ought to clean that out one of these days. I think something crawled up and died in there. It’s not so bad as long as you breathe through your mouth.’’
Josh scrubbed the frying pan briefly, gave it another inspection and decided it was clean enough. He dried the pan with his State College t-shirt and put it aside. He filled a pot with water and set it on a burner to boil. He opened a cupboard and reached for a carton of Stroganoff Supper, the Stalingrad Treat. He had purchased three cases when the stuff was on sale for 50 cents a box, figuring it would last him through spring term. But after eating 13 boxes Josh was so sick of stroganoff that he now calculated the cases would last him the rest of his college career, even if he went to grad school. Still, it was cheap and easy to prepare.
As the water heated to a boil a pot of water, Jenn wandered into the kitchen, dressed in gray sweat pants and a red State College t-shirt. “Oh my God,’’ she said. “Who opened the refrigerator? I’m not gonna lie to you – that smell is one thing I didn’t miss while I was living with my parents. Maybe they ought to tear this place down as a toxic hazard.’’
Josh tossed the stroganoff noodles into the boiling water. “Crap. That reminds me. Our beloved landlord left a message. He says we have to be out by May 15. The bulldozers arrive the next day to start construction on College World.’’
“That’s great,’’ Jenn said. “Spring quarter doesn’t end until Memorial Day. Where are we supposed to live in the meantime? I am so not moving back to my parents.’’
“Hell if I know. I don’t even want to think about having to find another place. Do you know what rents will be in the U district when they evict everyone from this neighborhood? I may have to buy a couple more cases of Stroganoff Supper.’’ He stirred the noodles. “Want some? Plenty more where this came from.’’
“Sure, what the hell,’’ Jenn said. “Pasta is good for the figure, right?’’
As Josh finished cooking up their dinner, Edison Murrow wandered into the kitchen looking thirsty. He was about to reach for the refrigerator, then thought better of it. He turned to Josh. “How’s the smell?’’
“Not bad. The half-life is down to about three weeks,’’ Josh said. “But if you’re only after beer, I’d reconsider and grab some from the porch.’’ He slapped the stroganoff onto a plate. “I’d offer you some stroganoff but I only cooked up enough for me and Jenn.’’
“That’s OK,’’ Murrow said as he headed to the porch. “I ate already With my @#&% wife. It didn’t go well.’’
“Still doesn’t want you to move back, huh?’’
“No, that’s just the problem. She WANTS me back. But I’m not ready. I still have some @#&% living to do. I never got a chance to enjoy college when I was a student. Always was at the computer lab, making sure I got a good @#&% job offer when I graduated. This time, I’m not missing out on the fun.’’
“We are going to get so much ass here, it's going to be sick,’’ Fairhaven said between bites of a peanut butter sandwich. “I'm talking like crazy boy-band ass.’’ (2)
Josh ignored Fairhaven and considered Murrow. Unlike Higgins who actively participated in life at the house and offered wise advice on life, Murrow mostly stood around watching his housemates, talking about how much money he earned as a computer programmer, leering at whatever woman was in the room and hanging around the upstairs bathroom to see if he could spot Jenn or Mandy in their underwear. Drinking beer was about as wild as he ever got. That, and very consciously throwing the words @#%$ and #&@$ into every other sentence for effect. He was a little pathetic, Josh thought, but he did keep the house well stocked with beer.
Minutes later Josh and Jenn were sitting at the dinning room table and eating their stroganoff with little enthusiasm. Fairhaven sat next to them, studying for a midterm. Murrow stood at the table, sipping his beer and flipping through a copy of Maxim.
“So,’’ Josh said to Jenn, “how are you getting along with the other Bubby, what’s his name, Clay Ellum?’’
Scowling, Jenn finished chewing a mouthful of stroganoff, then stabbed her fork into the the remaining food on her plate..
“I’m not gonna lie to you, that guy is a real ass. Like, he’s always saying mean things to me about my weight and my costume. And the worst part is he only does it for the experience. He wants to be a professional mascot. He doesn’t even care if the Devils win or lose.’’
She said the last sentence as if Ellum didn’t believe in God.
“Not even last night?’’ Josh asked.
He was referring to a painful overtime loss to Midwestern Military and Ministry, the private military and religious school that was last in the conference. Paced by Orion Winfield, the Devils had won eight consecutive games to rise near the top of the RPI but the freshman had a terrible night against MMM. He committed three turnovers in the first four minutes and not only didn’t score a point, he didn’t take a shot. Coach Jimmy Medici finally took him out of the game midway through the first half. He sat there the rest of the half with a towel over his head, then didn’t return after halftime. Medici told reporters after the game that Orion had a bad case of food poisoning, claiming it was just another reason his program should get more money so the players could eat one decent meal a day in the food hall.
“Not even last night,’’ Jenn said. “All he cared about was getting air time during the TV timeouts. That, and looking up the cheerleaders skirts.’’
“Speaking of the cheerleaders,’’ Murrow said. “How come Mandy hasn’t been kicked off the team yet for that MyWeb video? I tried to ask her but she told me to go @#&$ myself.’’
“Yeah, I don’t know,’’ Jenn said. “The boosters are going nuts but everybody is very hush-hush about the whole thing.’’
Josh scooped up another fork of stroganoff. “Well, all I know is if Orion plays anymore games like that, we aren’t going very far in the tournament.’’
“Yeah, geez what the @#$& was wrong with him? He was awful,’’ Murrow said. “And I don’t buy that food poisoning #&@$. He didn’t look sick, he just looked lazy. He was so damn timid and bad that I thought it was Sirius on the court.’’
Josh coughed slightly and gestured with his eyes to the doorway between the dining room and living room. Murrow looked over and saw Sirius, who had slipped into the room as silently and timidly as a mouse. It was his routine; Sirius was forever startling the housemates with his quiet entrances. You would turn around and there he was, standing behind you for God knows how long. Not that it mattered. He was such a non-presence that even when he was in a room, it was as if he wasn’t.
“Nothing personal, Sirius,’’ Murrow said awkwardly. “I only meant you two do look a lot alike.’’
Murrow didn’t have to apologize because Sirius did not take any offense. He never did. He was so naturally shy and insecure that he always was the first person to apologize for everything, even though he was rarely if ever at fault. “Sorry, I don’t know what you mean,’’ he said predictably, not making eye contact with Murrow as he walked into the kitchen.
An uneasy silence fell over the room as the housemates sat listening to Sirius preparing his dinner.
“It’s weird how different Sirius is from his brother,’’ Josh finally whispered. “He doesn’t even go to the basketball games. I asked him if he wanted to go see his brother play a couple weeks ago and he just said, ‘See who?’’’
“I don’t think it’s that weird. Typical sibling rivalry,’’ Murrow said. “Hell, my #&@$ brother didn’t talk to me for 17 years just because I made more than he did. It can’t be easy having a famous brother who is going to be an NBA lottery pick and a millionaire. Especially when you’re #&@$ closet case like Sirius.’’
“I know it was you Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!’’ Fairhaven said, not evening glancing up from his textbook. (3)
Josh, Jenn and Murrow just stared at Fairhaven, unsure what to make of their housemate. “Maybe you’re right, Murrow,’’ Josh said after a while, shoving aside the last of his stroganoff. “But I still think it’s weird.’’
An odor of rotting food drifted into the dining room. “Sorry,’’ Sirius said from the kitchen. “I had to open the refrigerator.’’
To be continued
|
|
|
