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Chapter 1: The Journey Begins
 By Jim Caple |
Josh Williams was so happy he felt like crying.
Of course, Josh was the sort of young man who, somewhat to his embarrassment, choked up rather easily. He not only cried at all the male-approved occasions – the final scenes of “Brian’s Song,’’ “Field of Dreams’’ and “Where the Red Fern Grows,’’ as well as a devastating loss by his favorite team in the championships – but also at those moments that would draw an arched eyebrow if not vocal ridicule from others. He cried at United Way commercials, the closing highlights of the national basketball tournament and the final pages of Harry Potter. He even once felt a lump in his throat during an Olympic figure skating routine performed to Copland’s “Appalachian Spring’’ (though he would never admit this under any circumstances, especially not to his housemate Danny Edmonds).
He was an emotional guy.
The cause of his current feelings was State College’s football game against the No. 1-ranked Golden State Spartans, the school that defeated the Red Devils by a point in the previous year’s X-Treme Bowl for the national championship (see 24 College Avenue: “Big Brother’’). It was one of those special fall days, when the sky was as brilliant a blue as a Los Angeles Dodgers baseball cap and the temperature was just crisp enough to warrant wearing your favorite sweatshirt. When Josh, Danny and Paul Fairhaven had walked from their house at 24 College Avenue across campus that morning, the leaves rustled at their feet and the initial roar of the State College marching band echoed around them.
It was the sort of day that made freshman feel the full promise of life and middle-aged alumni feel young and vibrant and completely sure of themselves again. If a pill could somehow produce this feeling, Viagra would be out of business.
What brought a tear to Josh’s eye, though, was the realization that he would not pass this way again. This was Josh’s fifth fall on campus and though he had not been the most conscientious of students -- he liked to think that he red-shirted one of his years but wasn’t sure which it was – he didn’t think he could postpone graduation for another school year. His parents were already on his back about why he hadn’t graduated in four years, and despite the money he earned each summer as a tour guide, his student loans were beginning to mount to a frightening total, especially for an English major with no clear idea how his education would possibly aid him in earning a living. Sure, Josh had a gig lined up for the next summer to lead a tour group to the Olympics but after the way the previous two summers had gone (see 24 College: “Summer Abroad’’ and “The Asterisk”) he didn’t think he could survive in that field for much longer. He was 23 and his life as a carefree student was running out. Real life loomed like a final in a class you had forgotten to attend.
This then, Josh understood, was his last season in the student section and that knowledge was already making him a little nostalgic.
Oh, he knew would always be able to attend the games as an alumnus but Josh suspected that it would never be the same sitting outside the student section. The alumni had reserved seats so many didn’t even leave their tailgate parties to enter the stadium until minutes before kickoff. How could the game possibly mean as much if you didn’t have to show up at least three hours early, as Josh did, to assure a decent seat in the over-sold and over-crowded student section?
So on this afternoon he smeared on the face paint just a little thicker, sang the fight song just a little louder, leered at the cheerleaders just a little more closely and vowed that this would be the best year ever.
It certainly looked promising. With his good friend Kenan Hill leading the way at linebacker, the State College defense had spent the first half harassing usually brilliant Golden State quarterback Simeon Hearst, sacking him three times and forcing two interceptions plus a fumble. The Spartan quarterback had been a projected first-round pick but Hearst had chosen to bypass the pros for a year and return to school in an attempt to become the first player in collegiate history to quarterback his school to four national championships. He actually had graduated with honors the previous spring but due to a loophole in the eligibility requirements was able to come back as a fifth-year senior even though his only class was a three-credit aerobics course. After the beat-down State College delivered in the first half, however, he spent halftime regretting his decision.
Josh, meanwhile, had a smile as broad as Kenan’s shoulders. This was a perfect day. One of his best friends was playing an outstanding game, State College held a commanding 20-3 lead, the sun was shining, the band was playing the fight song, the Red Hotties’ skirts were swirling suggestively and his flask still was half-full.
And then as Hearst trotted onto the field for the second half, Josh caught a quick glance of his housemate and former high school girl friend, Jenn Robbins, the State College mascot.
“Oh my God,’’ Josh said. “Doesn’t Jenn see what she’s doing?’’
# # #
Athletic director Hudson Bay had called Jenn into his office and given her the bad news shortly before the school year began. This would be her last season as Bubby, the Red Devils mascot.
“This is your fourth year, Jenn,’’ he said barely glancing away from a baseball game on the plasma TV in his office. “It’s time to give another student a turn.’’
“It’s not really my fourth year,’’ Jenn replied. “You banned me from half of last year because I was pregnant (see 24 College Avenue: “Big Brother’’). And I had to spend part of the previous year as that stupid Statey when they tried to make us switch mascots because the devil is a quasi-religious figure (see the first season of 24 College Avenue).’’
Bay shrugged. It would be a relief to be rid of this young woman. Had he known what a pain she would be, he never would have allowed her to become the Red Devil mascot in the first place. Only her popularity with the fans, which he had to admit was surprisingly impressive, had prevented him from permanently getting rid of her.
“Be that as it may,’’ he said, clicking the channel over to a cooking show. “You’re a senior and the American University Sports Conglomeration is making the mascots a varsity sport and as a senior, you’re running out of eligibility. My hands are tied.’’
He turned toward Jenn and gave her his best, most vibrant and least sincere smile.
“Does this mean I get a scholarship?’’ she asked.
God, Bay thought, this woman is a real pain. It wasn’t enough he had to deal with the egos and million-dollar salaries of coaches; he sure as hell didn’t need grief with his mascot. He returned his attention to the TV where the celebrity chef was making a Pavlova dessert that looked positively delicious. And fat free? Maybe he should have it introduced to the football training table.
“I’m afraid there is no money in the budget for a mascot scholarship. Not this year at least. Maybe next year. Sorry.’’ He waved Jenn away without bothering to look at her, indicating it was time for her to leave. As Jenn walked to the door, Bay added, “And be sure to stay off the field during the games’’ in a clear reference to the way she followed The Asterisk during his home run trot (see 24 College Avenue: “The Asterisk’).
The news that this would be her last season as Bubby would probably have devastated Jenn. Sometimes, she felt, being the State College mascot, hearing the cheers of the crowd and feeling a real part of each victory, was all she had going in her life. She didn’t have a boyfriend. She lived in a filthy house that included some degenerate and borderline disturbed housemates. She needed to lose 10 pounds (OK, 15) and, she reluctantly admitted to herself, she drank too much. She also was a senior with enormous student loans and, as her parents asked way too many times, who was going to hire a speech major with a 2.1 cumulative GPA?
But Jenn was not worried about any of this at the moment. Her focus was elsewhere, and had been ever since receiving the phone call from the American Olympic Organization in Colorado. They had told her that the national collegiate mascot champion would be invited to represent the U.S. at the upcoming games in China. The mascot wouldn’t compete, of course, but it would appear at events to lead American fans in cheers. The AOO figured whatever crowd support the mascot could generate would lead to better athletic performances and an increased medal count.
So Jenn immediately began working toward taking her mascot performance to the next level. She had always prided herself on pushing the envelope as a mascot – a fire extinguisher was pretty much a required accessory – but she had a number of ideas. Her first thought was to add wheels to her arsenal. Mimicking the stagecoach that an Oklahoma school would drive onto the field after touchdowns, Jenn added the Bubby-Mobile.
The Bubby-Mobile was a golf cart (supplied by the alumni who ran the Thousand Oaks Golf and Tennis Club) reconfigured to resemble the River Styx boat of legend that Satan used to transport lost souls through the various levels of Hell. Jenn planned to stuff the boat with dummy mascots of each opponent State College defeated over the season. She then would speed around the football field after each score, spewing sparks and brimstone from the rear.
Much to Bay’s disgust, the Bubby-Mobile was a huge hit the first two games of the season, so much so that many State College fans took their own vehicles into the shop for similar modifications.
The only thing that bothered Jenn was the the Bubby-Mobile didn’t go quite fast enough, topping out around a frustrating 14-16 mph. It just didn’t seem an intimidating enough speed when she cruised behind the opponents’ benches. She called up her old housemate, Ahmed Muhammed, who had been working for a local engineering firm since graduating, and asked if there was any way to increase the speed. Intrigued by the challenge, he had come over and reset the governor, then installed high-speed gears.
“This will increase your speed another seven, maybe eight miles,’’ he told her. “But you must be very careful, my friend. I did not have time to adjust the breaks. You must leave yourself extra room to come to a stop. Understand?’’
This was an excellent warning, or it would have been had Jenn paid any attention to it. Instead, she was too excited about the cart’s extra speed to worry about the brakes. This wouldn’t have posed that much of a problem had Jenn limited her use of the Bubby-Mobile to circling the stadium following Red Devil touchdowns. But she was so excited by the way State College dominated top-ranked Golden State in the first half that she decided to rub things in a little bit by driving the Bubby-Mobile in front of the Spartans bench when the team returned for the second half.
Worse, she was too busy firing up the crowd to notice that Hearst had trotted onto the field directly in front of her.
She could not help but notice Hearst, however, when she smashed into the quarterback with the Bubby-Mobile.
“Oh, @#%&!’’ she said as Hearst collapsed to the turf, grabbing his knee.
Next: Arms Race
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